tick tick tick

The other day a friend asked me why I’m not panicking. Hard to say, really…. but it’s sort of because I don’t have time to panic. Eight months ago, while considering the reality of my pregnancy, I didn’t exactly panic, but I was certainly scared and nervous and overwhelmed. More than anything I was mourning the end of my independence, and today, magically, I’m not too worried about that anymore. I’m too excited to see my baby, something I never really contemplated before being pregnant, or before I started to feel his regular movements really.

Things have come together, and the time is flying. All things considered, my summer has been pretty great. I love my clinical work, I have felt amazingly good, it hasn’t been too hot and I’ve felt extremely blessed by friends and family – holding baby showers, giving gifts, offering much-needed advice.

I’ve got a few days left of my internship and then I can mostly focus on moving and “nesting.” F and I went to a day-long childbirth class at the hospital where we’ll have the baby today. I learned a good deal, and it was really nice to see the birthing “suites,” which are actually quite homey and designed in a way that promotes comfort and bonding. I’m not sure what it means that I fear the extremely rare and unlikely side effects of the epidural more than going through the whole birth experience (completely guaranteed to be excruciating) with little or no medication. I think it means that on some level, I am fundamentally illogical and unreasonable. But I’m leaning toward a natural labor completely, or at least as long as possible, depending on the circumstances. We’ll see how that goes.

In other news, I just found out law school classes start before Labor Day, which could be good. I may get to attend one of each class before I have the baby. I guess I’ll take the risk of going into labor at the law school, but at least I’ll have a syllabus and a feel for my professors.

and then there were six weeks…

Six weeks until I have a baby, six weeks until school starts again. Six weeks ago I was in the second week of my summer clinical experience, and that seems like just a minute ago.

As always, summer flies. Between working full-time, commuting each weekend and pregnancy in general, it seems to be going extra fast. At the same time, I feel anxious. I want to move into my new apartment NAO. Mostly because of the baby, we’re going to rent out our house in home-town and live in an apartment in college-town while I finish school. I don’t mind moving in general, but moving in the 9th month of pregnancy is not exactly ideal. Unfortunately, leases here tend to go from Aug. 15th to Aug. 14th, so I’ve got to wait until just two weeks before my due date to really let the nesting instinct run wild.

I’m also getting anxious to see this little person. For those of you who don’t already know this: pregnancy is bizarre. Feeling a mini-person kicking your ribs and hiccuping from inside your abdomen is one of the strangest and most amazing things ever. During the last 7.5 months I’ve felt indifferent, scared, paranoid and now, mostly – totally excited for him to actually be here in the world with us. I also can’t wait to just see what he looks like, considering how entirely different my husband and I are in appearance (mutt-American + mostly indigenous-looking Mexican = ?).

My internship is great. It’s a wonderful learning experience and  definitely the right choice for this summer. I’m also enrolled in professional responsibility, which is quite the cushy law school class. The reading is relatively brief and easy to understand – perfect for the summer version of a student’s brain – the professor is straightforward and accommodating, and it only meets once per week for two hours.

It’s also a bit frightening to take PR. You start thinking about all the serious responsibilities a lawyer has to other people. You start to internalize that in two years you will be a lawyer. You realize how much power you will soon have to either help or screw over other people. Then you learn all the different ways others can punish or discipline you if you screw up. You also (at least in my class) have to think a lot about unpleasant things – like the percentage of lawyers who are wealthy, but also dissatisfied with their work, or depressed, or raging alcoholics.

But let’s not get all pensive about the law profession, it’s time for dinner!

magically absent hotness

For months now, as I’ve talked to people about my pregnancy, I’ve said things like, “You know, I honestly feel really good, but just think — I’m due early September, I’m going to have to suffer the dog days of summer with 15-20 pounds attached to my stomach!”

I thought by this point I would be existing in a constant state of discomfort. I live in a place known for snow, but during the summer, it’s normally quite hot and miserably humid. I was envisioning gaining a lot of weight, enduring lots of sweaty walks to and from my internship at the law school and roasting in both a house and an apartment with minimal air conditioning.

Apparently, God doesn’t hate me, because it’s been a blissfully mild summer so far. In fact, it’s been amazing. We’ve had exactly four gross, hot days so far, and many, many perfect ones – hanging in the mid-70s with sun, a breeze and a cool evening.

Even better, pregnancy seems to like me. Considering I’m six weeks from giving birth (OMG OMG OMG), my weight gain has been quite moderate. And no, I’m not limiting myself. I have enjoyed a lot of ice cream this summer. I haven’t been ravenous, but I’ve treated myself to the occasional regular soda (a youthful pleasure I mostly gave up years ago) and eaten pretty much whatever I felt like eating.

To top it off, besides an occasional backache, I haven’t even had any of the “normal” pregnant lady symptoms. No heartburn, no major digestive issues, no exhaustion, and so far, only very slightly swollen ankles. It is, indeed, a miracle.

And that is why I must say that I am expecting August to sport temperatures in the 100s every day, or a 40-hour labor two weeks after my due date. Something has to give, right?

best and worst

This lazy Sunday evening is a good time to catch up on blog business. Although…. I think I’ll post-date this so I don’t end up with a ton of posts on the same day. Thanks to lawful living for the tag that inspired this post.

So let’s take a reflective look at 1L year. It’s been a wonderful and difficult and crazy year for many reasons, only one of them being the departure from my working life of six years to the start of law school. Among the many changes, experiences and events:

1. I’ve lived an hour away from my husband around 60 to 70 percent of the time, yet our relationship has been at least as good, possibly better than ever. I attribute this partly to the fact that we have less time to get on each other’s nerves about crap that doesn’t matter, and partly to the fact that it’s easier (for us anyway) to appreciate one another when we see each other two or three or four days per week. That said, I’m certainly looking forward to being back together full-time in August, with baby not far behind.
2. Eight months ago we decided to “see what happens” for the first time in our five-year marriage regarding having a baby. Two months later I found out I was pregnant. It was a little scary to consider pregnancy during law school (images of running out of class to vomit danced in my head last December) but I’ve been extremely blessed to not feel like crap except on the very rare occasion.
3. A surprise for me this year has been genuinely enjoying the return to school and the study of law. Unlike many law students, I came here with a specific goal (to become a sole practitioning immigration attorney) which stemmed from my experience with my husband’s immigration process and my involvement in an online forum of people in similar situations. So I didn’t know how I would take to the study of contracts or property or criminal law. As it turns out, I really enjoy studying law, and almost all my classes have been interesting to me in one way or another. Being a little older and having had some life experience has definitely been a bonus in this way. I think I am well-suited to study the law, but had I done it when I was 22 or 23, I’m pretty sure it would have been torturous for me. Having a lot more connections to “real” life and being able to relate many areas of study to practical situations has made most subjects pretty fascinating. And the more fascinated I am, the easier it is to study and the better I do (usually).

That all said….

Best memory of 1L year:

This is strictly the best law school memory: Going out after my Civil Procedure mock trial in late November with my classmate/friends for mojitos and dinner followed by a series of strange blue-green drinks. Ha, I’m so old I didn’t know what they were, but they tasted like candy! That would actually be the last time I had much to drink for nine months. I guess it was a memorable night because we all felt like we had accomplished something intimidating and distinctly lawyer-like during our whole experimental civil procedure class, and it was great to go out, relax and just enjoy’s each other’s company before we all burrowed in to prepare for our first set of law school exams.

That memory is closely followed by completing my December 16th torts exam, heading almost immediately to hometown, packing, and then getting on a plane to Mexico the next morning to meet up with F. That memory is not first in part because while I know all that happened, my post-finals brain blocked out any actual memory of any of that happening.

Worst memory of 1L year:

I really didn’t have a terrible experience this year. I’m too old and wise — or maybe conservative (in a personal sense) — compared to many law students to have partaken in any regrettable evenings of boozing or done anything else I really wish I hadn’t. The worst moments were any day in the early fall semester when I showed up in contracts not completely prepared, or just not really comprehending the material, hoping to god the professor wouldn’t call on me. I came into law school hanging onto a deep anxiety about talking in class and public speaking in general. I’ve gotten over a bit more of it this year, but I’m still not someone who thinks really well on my feet, so it always makes me nervous to be unprepared and have to answer complex legal questions.

The other thing that comes to mind (and its definitely more of an experience, not a memory) is the regular sense of dread about the state of the economy and the decision to return to school, necessitating far more student loans than I had ever contemplated before law school. That will be with me the next two years as well, but on at least some level I’m confident things will work out all right in the end.

looking pregnant

For the last two months, since I could no longer comfortably wear my regular pants, even with the help of the amazing, highly recommended Bella Band (or the slightly cheaper Target Be Band version), I’ve been asking my husband every weekend whether I look pregnant or just fat. The verdicts are mixed, depending on what I am wearing, although in the last two weeks, it’s become obvious that I finally look overwhelmingly pregnant.

Two weeks ago when I was at the prison (for my summer clinical/internship), sitting at lunch talking to the legal assistant who helps us organize our inmate interviews, she asked: “So when are you due?” I’m not 100% sure she hadn’t heard me or one of my colleagues talking about me being pregnant earlier, but it was possibly the first time someone had mentioned my pregnancy just based on the sight of my growing “bump.”

A few days later I was shopping for furniture with my mom when the salesperson asked me the same question, then quickly following with “I think there’s a baby in there…” I reassured her there was — certainly stopping her heart from racing at the thought that she made have just committed the ultimate social faux pas — and we chatted for a few moments about it being my first child and a boy.

Last week, back in college town, I ran into a fellow student who was in my legal research and writing section this spring but who I don’t know well. We were in the bathroom and she looked at me and said, “Wow, I didn’t even know you were pregnant.” I hadn’t seen her in a month, and I noted how quickly “he” got huge between the week before exams and now.

Two days ago was I walking down a crowded, pedestrian-only shopping street in college-town when an older woman walking toward me saw me, stared at my belly for a second and then beamed at me as she passed by.

For me it’s interesting to have people stare at my stomach, and particularly to have strangers unabashadly smiling at you. No one has come up and tried to touch me yet (thank god) but I’m sure that’s coming soon.

As my doctor says every visit, I’m just sort of chugging along here. I still feel great, except for a modest increase in backaches, and so far it hasn’t been hot for more than two or three days, which this summer anyway, is a huge relief to me. Back to working the 9-5, time is flying and before I know it it’ll be time to evict my parasite and become a mother!

goodness

I did not intend to take a hiatus, it just happened. First for a law school update, then maybe a pregnancy one, then maybe one about my summer job.

Exams were hell this semester. So much so that I didn’t even feel like writing about it. I got very lucky fall semester to only have one exam where I had to write a full-on outline. We have an unconventional criminal law program at my school including a closed book exam that was a LOT more about using your intuition and applying your moral compass to different scenarios than trying to answer substantive questions about the law. We could only bring in two sheets of paper for torts and there were relatively few cases to learn in that class, besides they weren’t that complicated, so it was relatively easy to study for. I made a standard 40-some-page outline for contracts, the class I enjoyed the most and spent the most time on, only to get my worst grade. And my civil procedure class had a brief due in place of a final.

So…. I wasn’t altogether prepared to write three longer outlines on more complicated subjects this spring. I started early, but was burned out and distracted well before exam week. I had gotten behind in con law and admin, so it was extremely time-consuming to catch up, learn everything and feel prepared for the exams.

That said, May 16th was an incredible relief and I’m glad to officially be a 2L. I had more than a week off between my last final and the start of my summer clinical program back in college-town. I used that time to resurrect my garden, hang out with friends I had neglected far too long, and generally enjoy as much Midwestern spring as I could.

Law-student-in-the-modern-world procrastination techniques

PART I: Getting there (10 to 45 minutes)

1. Leave at-times noisy, distraction-filled house for coffee house.
2. While driving, consider what coffee shop is most likely to have a large table, near an outlet on a Sunday.
3. Consider the free wi-fi situation of every option.
4. Arrive at favorite home-town coffee shop which features nice tables, free wi-fi, tasty soup and delicious brew.
5. Park, get all my crap and enter cafe.
6. Get dismayed, as the cafe is full of children!
7. Experience high level of let-down as you realize a folk singer, his ukulele and his partner who appears to specialize in a variety of drums are about to start a kid’s concert taking up most of favorite cafe.
8. Turn around and leave.
9. Drive to option two.
10. Consider how to go five or so hours without the soup break.
11. Deal with it.
12. Get latte, find big table near outlet. Smile about it being mostly empty here.

PART II: Starting an outline (1 hour)

1. Open a new Word file.
2. Open up Notebook for Mac file, or whatever program you use for note-taking.
3. Open all the other sources, ie. other people’s outlines.
4. Decide between Pandora and iTunes. (This involves an analysis about how good the wi-fi connection is).
5. Open a Lexis and wikipedia tab in Firefox (WP, sadly, is key to confirming my understanding of “important” cases).
6. Post a facebook status about how I’m really going to start an outline now.
7. Organize all the stuff open so that I can easily jump between all the information sources.
8. Back to the new Word file.
9. Look through fonts and pick one that will look pretty for 20-50 pages.
10. Pick an outline format. Usually numbers or interesting-looking bullets.
11. Check FB.
12. Oh my! A friend commented “good luck” on my status.
13. Comment back.
14. Open book.
15. Start actual outline.
16. Feel productive.

PART III: Intermediary distractions (any amount of time one chooses)

1. Watch the weird baristas dance around and apparently flirt with eachother. This is better when you have headphones and music on, since you have no clue whether some actual conversation accompanies the odd behavior.
2. Take a moment to look at photos of cute babies your friends just posted on FB.
3. Write a blog post about wasting time. (Doesn’t take long in this case since you’ve already been thinking about how much time you’ve wasted and why).
4. Read about how the plastic-looking water cup I’m drinking from is in fact “green,” – made from corn!
5. Consider what to eat for dinner (I am, after all, eating for two).
6. Wonder in amazement that people come to coffee shops just to play video games for hours at a time.
7. Keep checking and responding to new comments on FB.
8. Think about what a loser you are for being 30 and still unable to avoid FB.
9. Think about how sad it is that you are 30 and have not even remotely outgrown procrastination.

It moves! and other updates…

I’ve been a blog slacker. I haven’t felt much like writing. And I’m busy.

As I mentioned a few weeks ago, I tend to slack a bit in the start of the semester and start the real learning later. It worked surprisingly well in fall and so far so good this time around. The goal is to not feel overwhelmed on April 30, the last day of class, a few days before exams begin. I’ve gotten most of my property and constitutional law outlines done, but I’ve worked hard on those the last two weeks. Next, I need to tackle administrative law, which of all my classes, I find very confusing and difficult to grasp. I’m hoping once I start reviewing there will be many moments of clarity.

In other news, it is finally real spring! True to college-town form, as soon as the temps rose into the 50s and the sun came out, the kids started wearing tank tops and flip flops and laying out in various grassy open areas. I have to laugh, because in F’s hometown, this is like the winter weather, and people wear hats and parkas and down hot beverages from sun up to sun down. After many months of dark, cold weather hell, though, it’s nice to be outside with a light jacket.

Back in my apartment, enjoying the sound of birds and natural light that actually lasts past seven, I’m relaxing after completing my oral argument this afternoon. I didn’t even suck. It was much better than last semester. That had a lot to do with: 1) already having done an oral argument once, 2) not being intimidated by my professor and 3) not being in the scary court room at the law school. I thought I was well prepared last fall, but my nerves really got the best of me. My co-counsel, who was literally shaking the whole time, didn’t exactly help. It’s a sad day when I have to encourage someone else not to be nervous about public speaking. This time around, I knew better than to trust my own skills (well, lack of) at talking off the cuff and wrote the entire argument out. I didn’t need it all, which was good, but it was there for reference.

Last but not least, just five days until our ultrasound and we find out what our baby is! I’m excited and nervous. Nervous only because we’ll also get information about how he/she looks and if there are any problems, but excited definitely to attach a gender to it, now that it moves around and seems more realistically like a living thing. I’m feeling very lucky to have a lot of energy and feel really good, now let’s hope that will last into the third trimester, also known as, when I get huge and it’s hot outside. Stay tuned!

huh…

Random from class just now:

Admin Law Professor: (blah blah Chevron doctrine blah blah) … I want to mention a recent Supreme Court case from last week. Has anyone heard of Utility Water v. Riverkeeper?

Random Hilarious Student: Oh yeah, I have.

Prof: Are you an environmental law guy or how did you hear about it?

RHS: No, just randomly came across it.

Prof: I’m so glad you are spending your time randomly reading about Admin law (class chuckles).

RHS: Actually, I have a friend named Fish and the case is about fish dying.

Yup!

down to business

Well, it’s just about April, when the semester’s-end suddenly looms, and with it, the notion of finals, which means the end of slack and the start of the real learning. At least, that’s what I’m shooting for.

Last semester, in a magical stroke of scheduling luck, I only had to write one “real” outline. Crim was completely closed book, we could only bring two double-sided pages into torts, and my civil procedure class required a brief rather than an exam.

This semester being much more representative of “normal” law school, I have four exams, one of which is crim and again closed book, and the other three allow any materials into the exam. The way law students deal with this open-book system is to write outlines, usually between 20 and 100 pages of notes and concepts and case briefs and law that ideally help you quickly reference what you need to answer the questions.

Outlining is really no fun, but it is the only way (for the average person) to review so much material and prepare to have to write on any of it. I don’t think in outline, and I definitely don’t take notes in an outline form. I write paragraphs, that’s how I roll, so it’s a process for me to pare all that prose down to the crucial bullet points, the important holding, the overarching concepts. If I start now, by the time late April hits, when there’s just a matter of days before finals, cramming and frenzy and complete lack of preparedness should not triumph. One thing I refuse to do is let law school become unbearably stressful. There’s a reason I’m not a restaurant manager anymore.

In other news, everything with the baby is good. Next month we have an ultrasound where hopefully we’ll find out the sex, and I’m finally starting to look pregnant, at least a little. I had another fish fry the other night – yum! – but lately my favorite things are pineapple, potstickers in sweet chili sauce, and quesadillas with the hottest salsa available.